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Mail your own brick tom junk mailers today!
Tags: fun postal

Use "Postage Paid" Envelopes to mail a brick to junk mailers!

 

I'll put something here eventually. I totally will

Bulk rated pagackes almost ready to go

Last updated 12/31/2007

Mail your own brick to junk mailers today!

Step one: Get the "No Postage Necessary" envelope out of the junk mail.

Step two: Put a brick (or anything) in a box.

Step three: Tape the "No Postage Necessary" envelope neatly to the box

Step four: Put it into those blue mail boxes, the parcel dump at the post office, or in your mail box.


You know those obnoxious "refinance your home" or scam credit card offers that you get in the mail?


The ones that have all that personal information that you can't throw away because someone will steal your identity?


Or the ones that make you accidently throw away important mail?


Well, I've seen plenty of people who think its cute to mail their junk mail back to the companies in postage-paid envelopes. But that's not very effective.


I mean...with bulk rate, they pay just over 20 cents for every ounce they receive. A pittiful amount when you consider it'd take hundreds of these letters to offset one person signing up for whatever service they're selling.


I see all these people say "come on guys, if enough of us mail them back they'll stop!" which to me sounds like a knitting circle patting themselves on the back for doing a good deed.


So what I'm trying to say is, stop being a pussy.


Find a shoebox, or a storage bin, or any cardboard box you have laying around. Fill it up with bricks, big blocks of iron, or maybe cement.


Tape the box up with everyday packaging tape.

Use a junkmail's postage-paid envelope and tape it neatly to the top cover of the box. NEATLY.


And mail it off.


This is what I call a "sustainable solution."

I no longer spend my time writing back saying

"please take me off your mailing list."


Instead, I say "Please send me more of your crap,

so I can mail you a car that I compressed

in the junk yard."


Do not, and I really mean do NOT create your own

"paid postage" card, mail hazardus materials, or mail

anything dangerous. That's bad news bears.




All of this has the following results:

-Saving trees. If they stop mailing you junk mail, it will save trees and keep the landfills empty! Yay!


-This lightens the load that taxpayers have to pay because spamers, scammers, and junk mailers foot the bill!


-Maybe if we do this enough, the USPS will make so much money, that they can lower the cost of postage.


- Creating employment opportunities. The post office keeps cutting staff because of lack of buisness; this gives the post office a huge source of income from the credit card scam companies.


-Preventing obnoxious junk mail. Maybe these junk mailers simply don't know they are annoying people? If that's the case, they will learn very quickly, I hope!


-This makes me laugh uncontrollably!


-Saving trees. If they stop mailing you junk mail, it will save trees and keep the landfills empty! Yay!


-Maybe someone will click the yahoo ads and I'll make like, 10 cents



Tell a friend! Also, logs are auto-deleted every 6 hours so I cannot keep your info anywhere, ever.

*your name:
your email:

please enter your friend's email addresses:

*email 1:
email 2:

The email that will be sent will contain your name and email address. Logs are auto-deleted every 6 hours so I cannot keep your info anywhere, ever.

 

Dear Bulk Mailer,

Please find attached to your no-postage-necessary envelope, this tractor trailor tire. I figured with all these great junk mails you send me every month, you'd like something in return! I know it costs twenty cents for every ounce I mail to you, so I hope it doesn't weigh too much more than an ounce.

-Resident or Homeowner


Dear...

Dear Capitol One Credit


These packages contained two phone books, a couple of novels *** hasn't used in years, and a broken CD player.

(thanks Chuck for the note and picture!)

Dear New Card Member Services



There's a brick in this package. It weighs a shit ton of pounds.

(Thanks K** for the note and picture!)

Dear Nigerian Uncle Who's Will I'm In



A weeks worth of news papers fit into this one!

(A shoe box. Crafty!)

Dear Special Magazine Offer



W**** sent a whole bunch of old magazines in this one

(Thanks W**** for the picture!)

Dear Refinance Your Home



(A desk fan box. Crafty!)
I'll put something here eventually

FAQ's

Q: How much does this cost the recipient?
A: This costs junk mailers about twenty cents an ounce. That means an eight pound package costs them about $25. And all of the proceeds go directly to the United States Postal Service.

Q: Is this legal?
A: I don't understand how it could be illegal, so long as you don't ship any hazardous materials (ie batteries), or things considered unhealthy (dirty underwear). Seriously, no dirty underwear.

Q: Does this cost anything?
A: No. What's wrong with you

Q: Does this help American families?
A: Yes. The United States postal Service employs nearly two million people. These numbers are going down drasticly because of increased e-mail use. This junk mail program signifigantly increases USPS income generation, which allows the government to employ more people. We at Dear Bulk Mailer are pro-family, pro-jobs, and pro-America.

Q: Can I mail these junk mailers used underwear?
A: No.

Q: Please?
A: No.

Q: Is this myspace?
A: No. wtf?

Q: I washed these underwears really really thoroughly, can I send them?
A: I cannot encourage you to send underwear, as hilarous and funny as it is. And I cannot encourage you sending me pictures of the event.

Q: Have you ever done this before?
A: Naaah I've never done any of the things listed in this page.

Q: How do you choose which junk mailer to send these packages to?
A: Any -- and every -- junk mailer that gives you a postage-paid envelope.

Q: Where do I get free boxes?
A: Be creative. Shoeboxes, boxes you buy things in... Even paper works if you tape it up neatly. Just make sure everything is nice and neat, and doesn't resemble some sort of unibomber contraption, and you'll be fine.

Q: What's the link to that Rachael blog?
A: thingsrachaelandiargueabout.blogspot.com

Q: I heard your friend Kim jumped off a bridge because Thursday wouldn't end. Is she ok?
A: Basiclly, Kim is as emo as they come. If she wasn't jumping off something, I'd be worried.

Q: Can I use this to get free postage to recipients other than junk mailers?
A: No. That is illegal, and you're stupid.

Q: Can I send drugs?
A: No, stupid!

Q: Can I send....
A: Hear me now, IF I LEARN ANYONE SHIPPED ANYTHING ILLEGAL OR HARMFUL, I WILL SHUT DOWN THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATLY. Additionally I will help pay to prosecute you. This is supposed to be fun and entertaining, and it's not supposed to hurt anyone in the slightest.


Is this a good method of fighting against junk mail?

Yes
No

click here to veiw the results

Every penny donated goes DIRECTLY towards this project. Usually that means boxes, but right now I'm saving up to buy a bunch of concrete. If there is more money than needed, I will donate the excess money to Victims Of Violent Crime charity (since I couldn't find a post office charity)


Disclaimer: This site is for educational and humor purposes. If anyone mails things, that's their own doing.
But if you do, you should totally take pictures of it.
I am not affiliated with the Post Office, USPS, or any government anything, in any manner.

This site is not protected by any copywrite. Seriously. Steal this page and call it your own
 
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